July 31, 2009
Channeling Andy Rooney
Andy Rooney had the right idea. String together a series of short sentiments, like bullet points without the bullets, and before you know it, you've got a column.
Kids these days have it so good with their video games. I downloaded the original Legend of Zelda to my Wii Virtual Console, and that game is tough. Of course, you can download the complete overworld map in about two seconds of searching on gamefaqs.com. In my day, you had to draw your own maps. On graph paper!
Video game boxing was a lot different too. You just moved the joystick and hit a button. If you wanted to swing for real, you'd go hit your brother.
I found a play I wrote in high school when I was in PA this past weekend. It's still pretty funny. There's a character in it named Abdulenzeebibble, whom, whenever somebody says his name, everybody says "Geshundheit!" which implies that the wacky foreign-sounding name sounds just like a sneeze. I'm not sure that Mel-Brooksian semi-racist humor would fly as well today. If I rewrite it, I think I'll change his name to Chad.
I bought some beer on the way home last night. In addition to the usual Coors Light, I thought I'd splurge on a Kriek Lambic, from Belgium. I've had it before; it has a sour black cherry taste that's more like a mixed drink of some kind than what you'd consider beer. It's worth trying--or revisiting--something different every now and then if you have the opportunity.
The cat just wanted to be fed dinner and it's not even four in the afternoon. That means she's going to want to be fed again before bedtime, which isn't going to happen. I don't think she understands the concept of delayed gratification.
All things being equal, I prefer positive people to negative people. I'd much rather hear from somebody about all the wonderful things that are going right in their life than all the things that are wrong. There's plenty to be happy about if you just think for a moment.
I used "their" as a singular possessive pronoun two sentences ago. The correct grammar is "hear from somebody about all the wonderful things that are going right in his life." Somebody = singular = his or her. People = plural = their. But I don't like that the masculine is the default, and I think that using "his or her" is clumsy and gets annoying when you do it over and over. "Their" is widely used for just those reasons and I think it's a sensible, reasonable change in the language.
Riding on a roller coaster, which I did recently, isn't that much different from speeding around in a car. But riding on a spinning ride is very different from something you'd do every day, and it actually made me feel more uncomfortable than the roller coaster. Plus, you can compensate somewhat for the g-forces by moving forward and back, but the constant outward centripetal pull is something you can't really control. That's my explanation anyway.
I wonder why I don't just buy everything but consumables online. The store never seems to have exactly what I'm looking for, and it's almost always cheaper on Amazon. If I were smart, I'd buy bulky items, perishable items, and "fitted" items (like clothes and shoes) in-person, and buy everything else over the Internet.
Massachusetts sales tax is going up to 6.25%. That's a shame. People prefer sales tax over income tax, which is foolish: income tax is progressive, meaning you pay more as you're more able to pay. If you earn minimum wage, that sales tax hits you a lot harder than it his me, percentage-wise: we both pay $6.25 on a $100 purchase, but that $100 is a much bigger percentage of your gross income than it is for me. And even though you're supposed to report online purchases and pay taxes on them, it's pretty much a scofflaw at present. Also, who's more likely to buy online: rich or poor? People don't always vote for things that benefit them the most.
Legos are still a lot of fun. We didn't have all the movie tie-ins when I was a kid, but that's ok: half of the spaceships we built were from Star Wars anyway. I refuse to call them "Lego bricks," though. I know they have to protect their copyright, so we'll just agree that they keep telling me I can't say "legos" and I'll keep ignoring them.
Posted by Mark at 03:36 PM | Comments (1)
July 24, 2009
How to Waste Advertising Money, or, Please Bring Cici's Pizza to Boston
There are things in this world I fail to understand. Some of these are sensible sources of confusion, like the source of gravity or the nature of time. And some would baffle even Hawking: why would an ad for a pizza place show up on TV in a city a full 8-hour drive from the nearest restaurant?
I speak of Cici's Pizza, who taunts me, endlessly, with their ads.
I've never been there; I've never even seen one in person. But I know all about them.
The all-you-can-eat pizza buffet. The various kinds of pizza (and pasta, and salad, and dessert). Their ridiculous $5.99 price, which makes me wonder just what that pizza could be made of if you can eat as much of it as you want for such a pittance. That promotion they ran where they put pennies around their parking lot and if you found one that said "free pizza" on it or something, you ate for free.
How do I know this? Oh, because in-between every other repeat of House or Law and Order or CSI: Wichita, I see one of their ads.
They're good ads. Funny. Memorable. One of their ads plays off the Seinfeld-esque dilemma of the buffet line jumper: if somebody is trying to make up their mind between the sausage and pepperoni, is it kosher to just skip by on your way to the mushroom, or are you guilty of "cutting"? (According to the ad, it's perfectly acceptable, and the pleasant suburban soccer mom you pass will give you a friendly smile as you do so.)
And even beyond the quality of the TV spots, it's a solid product...everybody likes pizza, and who doesn't salivate at the thought of stuffing as much of it down your gullet as you want for the price of a couple gallons of gas? You could probably save some money by showing 30 seconds of people shoveling pizza into their mouths with a repeated Billy-Mays-style (may he rest in peace) voiceover: "Cici's Pizza: All you can eat for just $5.99!"
So we've established that I'm about one nine-volt battery and a safety pin away from giving myself a Cici's Pizza prison tattoo. The issue is clearly not one of brand awareness. It's availability. I just checked, and the nearest location to Boston is outside of Allentown, PA. Hey, it used to be State College. At least they're getting closer.
And it's not like every product is available everywhere. I can't get Middleswarth potato chips outside of central PA. Yuengling hasn't quite made it to Massachusetts. There are no California Tortillas in Brighton.
They also don't advertise here. That is the crux of my issue, and my message to Cici's: stop taunting me! Enough!
I know that the presence of the ads is likely some large package media buy, where somebody bought airtime on the USA Network with no regional targeting. They probably got it cheap enough that it didn't matter that they were covering areas where no restaurants existed. Since it's a franchise operation, maybe it was even a strategic move to get brand awareness in front of potential franchisees.
If I had the startup capital, I'd open one myself. So I guess that worked.
But since I don't have that kind of cash, I suppose that I'll have to be patient and wait for the brand to make its way up north. I'm sure I'll eventually end up with a plateful of cheap pizza.
In the meantime, don't even get me started on Sonic.
Posted by Mark at 08:00 AM | Comments (0)