August 12, 2009

6 Acceptable Wedding Cocktails

I've never been a real wine snob, past the insistence that you serve wine in an actual wine glass (plastic cups don't count, Dad). But like wine, alcoholic beverages of all kinds have recommended pairing guidelines. I'm not talking about food here. I'm talking about venue, event, company, circumstance...all things that determine whether you have a nice single-malt whisky or jungle juice served out of a real coconut.

So, SAT review time: Mai Tai is to Caribbean beach as Mind Eraser is to...if you said "wedding reception," I'm glad you weren't at mine. A wedding is a conclave of tangentially-related people who mostly don't want be anywhere but the open bar. There's a protocol to follow: if the bartender is busy making your B52 (flaming, of course, and heavy on the Kahlua), he's not serving Aunt Mildred, and the night could get ugly fast.

Here, then, are six drinks that will keep the line flowing and the bar open:

1. Gin and Tonic The old standby. Clear liquor, a nice lime garnish, about 5 seconds to mix, and strong enough that it's worth sipping it through that tiny straw. Nobody will question your masculinity, and if you think they'll question your imagination, think again: this is a Classic Cocktail, capital C. If it's a top-shelf kind of wedding, nothing wrong with asking for a Tanqueray and tonic (my fave) or even Bombay Sapphire and tonic (which we'll discuss further).

2. Martini Most important: if they've got the blue bottle, Bombay Sapphire is my personal fave. Gin has a rep for causing bad hangovers, and a proper gin martini is always made Churchill-style: popular legend has it that the wily Brit preferred his martinis so dry that merely glancing at the vermouth from across the room was more than enough. So, we're talking about a glass of cold gin, possibly embellished with an olive or two. Or, substitute vodka for the gin. But that's it: we ain't talkin' about no Berry Blush Fruitini here. Just remember the Dorothy Parker quote:

I like to have a martini
Two at the very most --
After three I'm under the table,
After four, I'm under my host.

Which might be fine, depending on the wedding. I prefer three olives.

3. Scotch and soda I recently went on a whisky cruise around Boston Harbor, sampling everything from the always-behind-the-counter Johnny Walker Blue to The Peat Monster by artisanal distiller The Compass Box. There was a time when I would cringe at the thought of adulterating a Scotch whisky with anything but spring water or a single ice cube. But, considering that most weddings are serving Dewar's as a top-shelf, much less something that costs upwards of $70 a bottle retail, I have no problem with a little Scottish bubbly.

4. Whiskey sour I add this because I love sour and salty things, because I do have a soft spot for what is definitely a "chick" drink, and because I can't have more than one of these before running for the Prilosec. If you've got to have something sweet, fruity, and with a cherry in it, this is the go-to. Show off your cherry-stem knot-tying skills when you're done, and the next (shotgun) wedding could be yours!

5. Cape Cod There's an unwritten rule that men should only ever have clear or amber liquor at bars. In the event that you're not a man, or you don't believe in such stereotypes, this drink is just vodka and cranberry juice. It's tasty, it's red, and it comes in a cocktail glass. It coordinates nicely with either a little black dress, or a poofy white one, for any brides out there. And cranberry juice is good for your prostate...it's practically a health drink!

6. Captain and Coke Also known as spiced rum and cola, but just use the brand names and they'll substitute appropriately if necessary. Here's a drink that truly bridges the gap between the sexes: men, women and children can all proudly stand and declare that they have a little Cap'n in them. Substitute Diet Coke to make this one Weight-Watchers friendly, then have twice as many.

Of course, the best way to make the night last is to stick to beer or wine (either/or!), and light beer if you can stand it. That way, you'll still be standing when the afterparty kicks into high gear. Aunt Mildred will be so proud.

Am I discriminating against the strawberry daiquiri? Yell about booze below!`

`

Posted by Mark at 08:00 AM | Comments (1)

August 07, 2009

Things To Do At Bars: Pub Trivia

I don't remember Pub Trivia being a big thing when I was younger, but it's right up there with intramural kickball and Facebook as the new hotness amongst the "old enough to drink but still wear ironic T-shirts" crowd. Kara and I hit the local bar for dinner one night and found ourselves surrounded by the entire summer population of Boston College, waiting for 9 p.m. and the start of round one.

But Pub Trivia is actually a very good time, and there's nothing wrong with working a little competitive knowledge-slinging into your weekly booze-up. It's also a great activity for a group of friends, like a monthly poker game without the tears, recriminations and debt.

Be warned: it can be a little disconcerting if you're trying to drown your sorrows quietly at the end of the bar, only to have somebody yelling questions about winning sports teams and Oscar recipients into the mic every few minutes. So keep that in mind if you're in a bar on an "off" night...a lot of bars are using trivia as a (very smart, I might add) way to drum up business on a slow night, like a Sunday or a Tuesday. You can certainly be a team of one, but up to six is kosher (you can have more, but if you do, your team can't win first place).

There's a company called Stump! that does most of the trivia nights around here, and they run in a standard format. Here's how it works:

You have four quarters, each with its own topic (sports, pop culture, geography, etc.), and there's a halftime between the first two quarters and the last two. Each quarter in the first half, there are 4 questions, and you get 4 point values to "wager" on an answer: 1, 3, 5 and 7. Every time you answer a question, you give it a point value based on how certain you are of your answer: the catch is, you can only use each point value once. So, if you're really sure that South America is south of North America (it is), you give it 7 points. Then, if you don't know the capital of Austria (Vienna), you give it 1 point. Of course, you can only give the remaining questions a value of 3 or 5. So if you get another really hard question, the lowest you can give it is 3 points. For every question you get right, you get the points you wagered. The second half uses the same format, but with values of 2, 4, 6, or 8 points.

There's a special multi-part question at the end of each quarter, which might involve, for example, looking at a bunch of actor photos and naming the character they portrayed and the name of the movie. The halftime question starts with one clue, and if you answer the question in the first clue, you get 10 points. If it takes you two clues, you get 8 points, and so on.

For the final question, you wager a number of points. Get it right and get the points, but get it wrong, and lose half the points you wagered.

At the end of each round, team scores are announced, and at the end of the game, the team with the highest score wins--usually something like a gift certificate to the bar hosting the event. Teams coming in second or third might get prizes as well, depending on the night and the venue.

Perhaps the most creative part of the night is coming up with an original team name, which can range from the lame (Trivia All-Stars) to the witty (Optimus Prime-Rib) to the unprintable. Most tend to err on the "blue" side, which makes it all the more amusing when you're getting destroyed by a team called "I Love Boobs" or the like.

The trivia tends to be more pop culture than Jeopardy; it's probably better to know the winner of Survivor: Fiji (Earl Cole) than the current Secretary of Transportation (Ray LaHood). You almost certainly need a sports buff, as there will definitely end up being some questions about the pitcher with the lowest ERA in the 1984 American League (Mike Boddicker of Baltimore, 2.79). Winning the last game of Trivial Pursuit at home might not automatically make you a winner here, and the guy who watched the Oscars is probably going to have a leg up on somebody who read BusinessWeek instead.

But, it's a fun way to turn an evening of killing brain cells into an educational experience, and you just might learn the name of the show that preceded The Hills on MTV (Laguna Beach).

Posted by Mark at 08:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 20, 2009

5 Desert Island Beers

The "desert island scenario" suggests that you'd only have a limited selection of something with which to live out the rest of your (tanned, wave-cooled, coconut-scented) life. Obviously, on a real desert island, you'd have keen survival issues (isn't rum a diuretic?) and complicated logistical problems (how am I going to power this DVD player?) to keep you from enjoying that Criterion Collection copy of Seven Samurai in perpetuity. But realism aside, it seems like everybody's got their desert island movies, albums, and even foods, but how many people have their desert island beers?

The thing is, if you're going to be limited to only one type of something, it's probably going to have to be average. I don't mean average in quality, I mean average in terms of covering all the bases. Sure, you may enjoy the combat scenes in Commando today, but what about years down the road, when you're craving a little romance, or...actually, that's a bad example. Commando is pretty much the pinnacle of Western film, and I'll throw a pole through your chain-mailed torso if you disagree.

To get off the film thing and firmly back into the realm of hops and barley, you're probably going to want a beer that is well-rounded. Something bitter and hoppy might be enjoyable now and again, but as your sole source of booze, you might want a mellower brew. Same thing with anything too dark, too light, too bland, too strong (whisky-aged beer is nice, but not every day), or too extreme (the "ham on rye" beer I had some years ago was surprisingly delicious, but, again, Ham On Rye is a "Sometimes" Beer).

While I love me some suds, I'm not nearly the beer aficionado my brother, Matt, is--I've never traveled to Belgium specifically to track down the elusive Westleveren, often regarded as the best beer in the world. And although I've tried plenty of unusual and limited-availability beers, most of the beers on my list are going to be pretty mainstream, because, again, this is beer for every day for the rest of your life. It's like beer marriage. I love Troeg's Nugget Nectar, but I'm not sure it enjoys CSI as much as I do. Or Rogue's Smoke Ale: an unusual, exotic flavor, but sooner or later, I want it to think about its career and start contributing to the mortgage.

I should also note that I pictured myself on an actual tropical desert island drinking these. If the desert island in question were, say, off Antarctica (the world's largest desert; don't forget that "desert" is defined by rainfall and not ratio of sand to camels), this wouldn't be a beer list at all. It would be "5 Frozen Island Single Malt Whiskys".

So, I thought about the many hundreds of beers I've sampled over the years, and narrowed them down to five that I could see myself never, ever, going without:

5. Coors Light:

I'm drinking an ice-cold Silver Bullet as I write this, and I expect to draw lots of flack from beer lovers on this choice. I mean, when your ads emphasize how cold your product is (it's the Freezy Freakies of beer cans!) instead of, you know, how it tastes, maybe that's a warning signal.

But there's something to be said for a beer that goes down cold, clean and easy, smooth as water and with only slighly more alcohol. The whole sandy desert island scenario plays a role; this is one of my favorite drinks for hot summer days. And you can pretty much down an 18-rack of cans and still make it to work on time the next day, only a little worse for wear. Just try doing that with Guinness. Speaking of which...

4. Guinness:

Now you're wondering if I'm just screwing with you. How could you imagine drinking nothing but thick black stout, especially ankle-deep in palm fronds under a heavy sun? Well, I'll qualify this by saying that I'd have to have Guinness that was off tap, not bottled, and of the same quality as you can get in Dublin...the stuff they serve on the tour of St. James's Gate is sublime.

I actually find Guinness to be quite refreshing, with a taste that has chocolate and coffee notes tempered with a smooth finish and very little bitterness. Rather than comparing it to a milkshake in July, I'd say it's like a Diet Coke on the beach. But, you have to be careful with this one...my personal record is 8 in an night at Flanagan's in Bethesda, and I don't believe I made it into the office the next day.

3. Molson Canadian:

Another big-brand beer, and, like Coors Light, not earth-shatteringly outstanding. My preference for this one hearkens to my days at Syracuse, when a case of bottles would run us a whopping $14 plus modest tax. You'd think that I'd prefer the beer that our cat, Labatt, is named after, but that cost $15 a case. We had to save money somewhere.

But, this beer is a solid contender. Nothing crazy about the taste, just a mellow flavor without anything unpleasant or challenging to your palate, but still classy and down-to-earth. The Frank Sinatra of beers: who doesn't love The Chairman of the Board? Molson Canadian could be the Chairman of the Beers.

2. Carib:

Nothing like an actual island beer to round out the list. The wife and I drank quite a bit of Carib on our honeymoon in Anguilla; while Cerveceria Modelo's marketing would have you believe that every beach in the Caribbean is chock-full of Corona-drinking vacationers, the real locals drank Carib.

It's essentially the same style as Corona: a light, crisp, clean, pale beer that tastes pretty good with a lime. Or without. Definitely a beer you can savor in warm weather, and that reminds you of sunny skies when winter clouds roll in.

1. Yuengling Lager:

An absolute no-brainer. Are there plenty of "better" beers out there? Of course! In fact, Lager (saying "I'll have a Lager" in Pennsylvania gets you a Yuengling, not further questions about what kind of lager beer you want) used to be regarded as a sub-prime beer (to put it politely), and it's still plenty cheap.

But it's the very definition of a solid session beer. Just a little hop flavor, a mellow mouthfeel, and a smooth finish that doesn't send you running for the toothbrush--or a glass of water. If one overindulges, I have it on good faith that the hangovers aren't too unbearable, either. They could have Yuengling and Westleveren on tap--and to be honest, I'd have the Belgian. But only so I could compare it to Yuengling.

Any one of these beers would be a reasonable choice for a solid brew to keep you company until the end of your days. And who needs desert islands: if we could get Yuengling in Massachusetts, I'd probably never bother drinking anything else.

Well, maybe Yuengling Light Lager...gotta maintain this girlish figure.

What beers could you and your volleyball absolutely, positively not live without? Or does a particular wine vintage or a favorite rum rock your hammock instead?

Posted by Mark at 08:00 AM | Comments (2)