« July 2009 | Main | September 2009 »
August 19, 2009
on vacation
markdalius.com is on vacation until next week. Hopefully I'll have some good stories to tell from Napa and Sonoma.
See you then!
--Mark
Posted by Mark at 11:36 AM | Comments (1)
August 12, 2009
6 Acceptable Wedding Cocktails
I've never been a real wine snob, past the insistence that you serve wine in an actual wine glass (plastic cups don't count, Dad). But like wine, alcoholic beverages of all kinds have recommended pairing guidelines. I'm not talking about food here. I'm talking about venue, event, company, circumstance...all things that determine whether you have a nice single-malt whisky or jungle juice served out of a real coconut.
So, SAT review time: Mai Tai is to Caribbean beach as Mind Eraser is to...if you said "wedding reception," I'm glad you weren't at mine. A wedding is a conclave of tangentially-related people who mostly don't want be anywhere but the open bar. There's a protocol to follow: if the bartender is busy making your B52 (flaming, of course, and heavy on the Kahlua), he's not serving Aunt Mildred, and the night could get ugly fast.
Here, then, are six drinks that will keep the line flowing and the bar open:
1. Gin and Tonic The old standby. Clear liquor, a nice lime garnish, about 5 seconds to mix, and strong enough that it's worth sipping it through that tiny straw. Nobody will question your masculinity, and if you think they'll question your imagination, think again: this is a Classic Cocktail, capital C. If it's a top-shelf kind of wedding, nothing wrong with asking for a Tanqueray and tonic (my fave) or even Bombay Sapphire and tonic (which we'll discuss further).
2. Martini Most important: if they've got the blue bottle, Bombay Sapphire is my personal fave. Gin has a rep for causing bad hangovers, and a proper gin martini is always made Churchill-style: popular legend has it that the wily Brit preferred his martinis so dry that merely glancing at the vermouth from across the room was more than enough. So, we're talking about a glass of cold gin, possibly embellished with an olive or two. Or, substitute vodka for the gin. But that's it: we ain't talkin' about no Berry Blush Fruitini here. Just remember the Dorothy Parker quote:
I like to have a martini
Two at the very most --
After three I'm under the table,
After four, I'm under my host.
Which might be fine, depending on the wedding. I prefer three olives.
3. Scotch and soda I recently went on a whisky cruise around Boston Harbor, sampling everything from the always-behind-the-counter Johnny Walker Blue to The Peat Monster by artisanal distiller The Compass Box. There was a time when I would cringe at the thought of adulterating a Scotch whisky with anything but spring water or a single ice cube. But, considering that most weddings are serving Dewar's as a top-shelf, much less something that costs upwards of $70 a bottle retail, I have no problem with a little Scottish bubbly.
4. Whiskey sour I add this because I love sour and salty things, because I do have a soft spot for what is definitely a "chick" drink, and because I can't have more than one of these before running for the Prilosec. If you've got to have something sweet, fruity, and with a cherry in it, this is the go-to. Show off your cherry-stem knot-tying skills when you're done, and the next (shotgun) wedding could be yours!
5. Cape Cod There's an unwritten rule that men should only ever have clear or amber liquor at bars. In the event that you're not a man, or you don't believe in such stereotypes, this drink is just vodka and cranberry juice. It's tasty, it's red, and it comes in a cocktail glass. It coordinates nicely with either a little black dress, or a poofy white one, for any brides out there. And cranberry juice is good for your prostate...it's practically a health drink!
6. Captain and Coke Also known as spiced rum and cola, but just use the brand names and they'll substitute appropriately if necessary. Here's a drink that truly bridges the gap between the sexes: men, women and children can all proudly stand and declare that they have a little Cap'n in them. Substitute Diet Coke to make this one Weight-Watchers friendly, then have twice as many.
Of course, the best way to make the night last is to stick to beer or wine (either/or!), and light beer if you can stand it. That way, you'll still be standing when the afterparty kicks into high gear. Aunt Mildred will be so proud.
Am I discriminating against the strawberry daiquiri? Yell about booze below!`
`
Posted by Mark at 08:00 AM | Comments (1)
August 10, 2009
5 Inevitable Home Improvement Hiccups
I spent the weekend doing a quick and dirty bathroom renovation: new caulk around the tub, new vanity, cleaned-up grout, and a little fresh paint. I'm not a pro, but I know my way around a Home Depot, and I've come across five things that will happen while you're pretending to be Bob Vila, no matter how much you prepare:
1. They did what??? As a homeowner, you're going to find that not all homeowners treat the homeownership process the same, in terms of maintenance, or knowing anything at all about stuff beneath the drywall. If you haven't built your house yourself, you're probably going to inherit some surprises.
For example, when we bought our condo, I noticed an unlit overhead light in our bathroom. "Is that hooked up to a switch anywhere?" I asked. "Um, we're not sure," was the reply. I assumed that the light had been disconnected at some point while installing a light over the vanity mirror, and just hadn't been removed. We left the rogue light where it was for several years, until I decided during our recent renovation to pull it out and patch over the hole. Fortunately, I use a current detector pen, and imagine my surprise when it lit up as it brought it closer to the socket.
The new light bulb makes our bathroom look much brighter.
2. I take two trips in the morning, I take two trips in the afternoon... Before you head to your local hardware store or building center, you should stand back and mentally walk through the job. Prepare a careful checklist of supplies you'll need to complete each individual task. Then you can throw that list away, because you are going to have to make a second trip, no matter what.
Even if you somehow managed to fit an entire Lowe's into your Jetta (more on that later), you will inevitably find that you're missing some key part that you didn't consider, didn't know about, or didn't need until you broke the last key part during the "prep" phase of your project. On the flip side, you're almost as certain to not need something you purchased, so this is one time you definitely want to save your receipt. Bottom line, if you can manage to only make two trips to the store, consider it a great success.
3. Contractors have pickup trucks for a reason. Size is so misleading. What seems like a manageable cardboard box in the store may become a nightmare of dimensions as you struggle to push your new vanity into the trunk, then into the back seat, then into the front seat, finally making it fit if you keep the window open and rest it on the gearshift lever and up against the steering wheel.
Of course, I'm not sure that this isn't a conspiracy on the part of the suppliers to actually make the boxes expand when you leave the store. I wouldn't be shocked if what seemed to be a set of blinds and a new porch light somehow failed to fit in the bed of an F-250.
4. It will be faster if I just use this power tool. I like to make fresh salsa. I've tried various methods for chopping the tomatoes and onions a little more quickly. But food processors and blenders simply turn the tomatoes into sauce, and using canned tomatoes lends the salsa a store-bought jarred salsa taste. There's no substitute for the chunky texture you get when you undertake the somewhat laborious process of chopping by hand.
So it goes with home improvement. After scraping away with a grout saw at the stained top layer of bathroom grout, I decided to use the Dremel to speed up the process. The first bit simply burned the grout, the second bit simply wore down the bit, and the third bit went right through the grout and into the subfloor.
I like the grout saw just fine now.
5. I promise the water will be back on by tomorrow...or the next day. I am a terrible optimist. I thought we would get our entire condo painted within a few weeks of us living there. Of course, we were still sanding and priming months later.
The water went off on Saturday morning, although I did manage to get things set up so that just the sink was unusable, and the toilet and shower were still fine. It's now Monday. I'm sure we'll be able to brush our teeth in the bathroom again tonight.
Maybe.
Did you ever pull off some drywall to find somebody had plastered over a window--glass, curtains and all? Comment below!
Posted by Mark at 08:00 AM | Comments (2)
August 07, 2009
Things To Do At Bars: Pub Trivia
I don't remember Pub Trivia being a big thing when I was younger, but it's right up there with intramural kickball and Facebook as the new hotness amongst the "old enough to drink but still wear ironic T-shirts" crowd. Kara and I hit the local bar for dinner one night and found ourselves surrounded by the entire summer population of Boston College, waiting for 9 p.m. and the start of round one.
But Pub Trivia is actually a very good time, and there's nothing wrong with working a little competitive knowledge-slinging into your weekly booze-up. It's also a great activity for a group of friends, like a monthly poker game without the tears, recriminations and debt.
Be warned: it can be a little disconcerting if you're trying to drown your sorrows quietly at the end of the bar, only to have somebody yelling questions about winning sports teams and Oscar recipients into the mic every few minutes. So keep that in mind if you're in a bar on an "off" night...a lot of bars are using trivia as a (very smart, I might add) way to drum up business on a slow night, like a Sunday or a Tuesday. You can certainly be a team of one, but up to six is kosher (you can have more, but if you do, your team can't win first place).
There's a company called Stump! that does most of the trivia nights around here, and they run in a standard format. Here's how it works:
You have four quarters, each with its own topic (sports, pop culture, geography, etc.), and there's a halftime between the first two quarters and the last two. Each quarter in the first half, there are 4 questions, and you get 4 point values to "wager" on an answer: 1, 3, 5 and 7. Every time you answer a question, you give it a point value based on how certain you are of your answer: the catch is, you can only use each point value once. So, if you're really sure that South America is south of North America (it is), you give it 7 points. Then, if you don't know the capital of Austria (Vienna), you give it 1 point. Of course, you can only give the remaining questions a value of 3 or 5. So if you get another really hard question, the lowest you can give it is 3 points. For every question you get right, you get the points you wagered. The second half uses the same format, but with values of 2, 4, 6, or 8 points.
There's a special multi-part question at the end of each quarter, which might involve, for example, looking at a bunch of actor photos and naming the character they portrayed and the name of the movie. The halftime question starts with one clue, and if you answer the question in the first clue, you get 10 points. If it takes you two clues, you get 8 points, and so on.
For the final question, you wager a number of points. Get it right and get the points, but get it wrong, and lose half the points you wagered.
At the end of each round, team scores are announced, and at the end of the game, the team with the highest score wins--usually something like a gift certificate to the bar hosting the event. Teams coming in second or third might get prizes as well, depending on the night and the venue.
Perhaps the most creative part of the night is coming up with an original team name, which can range from the lame (Trivia All-Stars) to the witty (Optimus Prime-Rib) to the unprintable. Most tend to err on the "blue" side, which makes it all the more amusing when you're getting destroyed by a team called "I Love Boobs" or the like.
The trivia tends to be more pop culture than Jeopardy; it's probably better to know the winner of Survivor: Fiji (Earl Cole) than the current Secretary of Transportation (Ray LaHood). You almost certainly need a sports buff, as there will definitely end up being some questions about the pitcher with the lowest ERA in the 1984 American League (Mike Boddicker of Baltimore, 2.79). Winning the last game of Trivial Pursuit at home might not automatically make you a winner here, and the guy who watched the Oscars is probably going to have a leg up on somebody who read BusinessWeek instead.
But, it's a fun way to turn an evening of killing brain cells into an educational experience, and you just might learn the name of the show that preceded The Hills on MTV (Laguna Beach).
Posted by Mark at 08:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 05, 2009
7 Words That Deserve a Comeback
The English language continuously evolves. Sadly, this means that worthy words from times of yore frequently make way for things like "LOL" and "blogosphere." Here are 7 mostly retired words I'd like to see back in the ring:
starch - Not the stuff you put on a collar or avoid while on Atkins, this means toughness, chutzpah, and sheer balls. Actually a pleasant replacement for overused terms synonymous with "testicular fortitude." She's got a lot of starch, bringing a bucket of KFC to an anorexia support group.
pantaloons - "Pants" is a funny word, but it's got nothing on pantaloons. Technically these are a kind of tights, but given that slim jeans are back in style, I think we can stretch the definition. If he doesn't shut up about Kings of Leon, I'm going to kick him right in his designer pantaloons.
spifflicated - A popular term from the 20s meaning to get bombed, plastered, lit, and heavily intoxicated. Remember that it's "spiff-licated", not "spliff-icated," which is an entirely different sort of intoxication. I tried to get into the jazz bar down the street, but the bouncer said I was already spifflicated and gave me the bum's rush.
bully to that - Synonymous with "cheers for that," "good idea," "I agree," and "I think Teddy Roosevelt was awesome." A nice term with a masculine air to it. He told me that after the face-punching contest, we were going to drink whiskey until we're so drunk we're sober again, and I said bully to that!
fisticuffs - A gentlemanly term for trading punches. Like other fancy words, it makes getting into a drunken brawl sound high-class and almost respectable. There's nothing like savoring a little of the old fisticuffs on Monday Night Raw.
greenhorn - In the parlance of our times, a "noob." Just imagine if kids playing Unreal Tournament started inserting this term into their streams of badly-spelled profanity. Quit hogging the rocket launcher, greenhorn, you keep blowing yourself up!
hubbub - This word describes the aforementioned streams of badly-spelled profanity and other meaningless noise. Perhaps best used by Bugs Bunny when he asked a bomb-pounding Gremlin "What's all the hubbub, bub?" That's an awful lot of hubbub for the "small gathering" our keg-carrying upstairs neighbors said they were having.
What words do you think should be back in the common lexicon? Comment below!
Posted by Mark at 08:00 AM | Comments (1)
August 03, 2009
old content, blog ads
As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I'm experimenting with the blog. You may have noticed a few Google ads over on the right-hand column; I'm trying out Google AdSense to see if it's worthwhile. At best, it will be useful; I hope that at least, it will be unobtrusive. It should pick up keywords from the articles and attempt to show relevant ads.
Right now it's showing something for a Salvador Dali art supplier in New York. I'm not sure what that has to do with Cici's Pizza or Andy Rooney, but that's the state of the art in online advertising technology, I guess.
I've also unpublished a lot of the old content. I'd like to set things up so that I can make some of the old stuff password protected or something along those lines for close friends/family, but I don't think I can do that with my current blogging software. There's nothing published on here that I'm not comfortable discussing on the Today Show, but the story of the last five years of my life isn't the focus of what I'm writing about. So, for now, it's not available, to keep more personal stuff a little more private.
I did leave up two articles in particular: the one where I wrote about my engagement to Kara, which garnered some random comments from other women on the Internet named Kara, and from one of her old high school friends. The other is an article on "cool sword names" which is inexplicably the #3 link on Google if you search for "cool sword names" and has gotten some random internet comments as well.
I'll probably have to follow it up with an updated article to capture the popular "fans of swords" demographic. Write what your audience wants to hear, I always say!
More real and entertaining (?) content coming soon.
Posted by Mark at 02:13 PM | Comments (1)