Channeling Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney had the right idea. String together a series of short sentiments, like bullet points without the bullets, and before you know it, you’ve got a column.

Kids these days have it so good with their video games. I downloaded the original Legend of Zelda to my Wii Virtual Console, and that game is tough. Of course, you can download the complete overworld map in about two seconds of searching on In my day, you had to draw your own maps. On graph paper!

Video game boxing was a lot different too. You just moved the joystick and hit a button. If you wanted to swing for real, you’d go hit your brother.

I found a play I wrote in high school when I was in PA this past weekend. It’s still pretty funny. There’s a character in it named Abdulenzeebibble, whom, whenever somebody says his name, everybody says “Geshundheit!” which implies that the wacky foreign-sounding name sounds just like a sneeze. I’m not sure that Mel-Brooksian semi-racist humor would fly as well today. If I rewrite it, I think I’ll change his name to Chad.

I bought some beer on the way home last night. In addition to the usual Coors Light, I thought I’d splurge on a Kriek Lambic, from Belgium. I’ve had it before; it has a sour black cherry taste that’s more like a mixed drink of some kind than what you’d consider beer. It’s worth trying–or revisiting–something different every now and then if you have the opportunity.

The cat just wanted to be fed dinner and it’s not even four in the afternoon. That means she’s going to want to be fed again before bedtime, which isn’t going to happen. I don’t think she understands the concept of delayed gratification.

All things being equal, I prefer positive people to negative people. I’d much rather hear from somebody about all the wonderful things that are going right in their life than all the things that are wrong. There’s plenty to be happy about if you just think for a moment.

I used “their” as a singular possessive pronoun two sentences ago. The correct grammar is “hear from somebody about all the wonderful things that are going right in his life.” Somebody = singular = his or her. People = plural = their. But I don’t like that the masculine is the default, and I think that using “his or her” is clumsy and gets annoying when you do it over and over. “Their” is widely used for just those reasons and I think it’s a sensible, reasonable change in the language.

Riding on a roller coaster, which I did recently, isn’t that much different from speeding around in a car. But riding on a spinning ride is very different from something you’d do every day, and it actually made me feel more uncomfortable than the roller coaster. Plus, you can compensate somewhat for the g-forces by moving forward and back, but the constant outward centripetal pull is something you can’t really control. That’s my explanation anyway.

I wonder why I don’t just buy everything but consumables online. The store never seems to have exactly what I’m looking for, and it’s almost always cheaper on Amazon. If I were smart, I’d buy bulky items, perishable items, and “fitted” items (like clothes and shoes) in-person, and buy everything else over the Internet.

Massachusetts sales tax is going up to 6.25%. That’s a shame. People prefer sales tax over income tax, which is foolish: income tax is progressive, meaning you pay more as you’re more able to pay. If you earn minimum wage, that sales tax hits you a lot harder than it his me, percentage-wise: we both pay $6.25 on a $100 purchase, but that $100 is a much bigger percentage of your gross income than it is for me. And even though you’re supposed to report online purchases and pay taxes on them, it’s pretty much a scofflaw at present. Also, who’s more likely to buy online: rich or poor? People don’t always vote for things that benefit them the most.

Legos are still a lot of fun. We didn’t have all the movie tie-ins when I was a kid, but that’s ok: half of the spaceships we built were from Star Wars anyway. I refuse to call them “Lego bricks,” though. I know they have to protect their copyright, so we’ll just agree that they keep telling me I can’t say “legos” and I’ll keep ignoring them.

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One Response to Channeling Andy Rooney

  1. Matt D says:

    I like the random streams of consciousness.

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